Joy

Joy vs. happiness. Two words often confused to have the same meaning. Happiness is fleeting, temporary because at any moment, somthing can happen to make us sad, mad, angry, etc. But "joy" is a matter of the heart..a heart filled with thanksgiving despite circumstances surrounding us. I am convinced that joy is not possible without Jesus. Through only His power, love and grace can He usher us into the spirit of joy.
This has been the journey of my own heart, really over the last several years...to be joyful despite circumstances and to give thanks no matter what. It has been a discipline because it is something that just does not come naturally!
So this lesson of joyfulness continues as we carry on in adoption. It has taken me up to a couple of weeks ago to get to this point.  I have so much joy in our adoption and so much joy that our babies are somewhere in Moldova (ok, i say "babies"...Adam just laughs and goes with it.) and so much joy that our family is being made by adoption. I haven't been able to say that honestly until recently. The Lord has been working on my heart to rid me of thoughts of jealousy of other families that get to have their family in a quick 9 months.
Our family is being made by adoption. Nothing sounds sweeter than that to me. Adam's sweet cousin, Heather, posted a link on my facebook page of a book called "Mommy's Heart Went Pop", a book about a mother adopting a child and how her heart grew through the whole process. As a woman who is physically pregnant "pops out" so it is in adoption with the mother's heart. It was at that moment, reading that link, that the Lord just filled me with so much love for babies I can't see or feel physically..but could feel in my heart. There is so much love...and so much joy that this is the calling God has placed over Adam and I. God is good. This is His "Plan A" for us..NOT "Plan B".  Adoption is the heart of God! So awesome. Thankful for turning points and lessons of God's grace and compassion.

" Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Orphan Sunday..a few days late:)

Every year, Christian Alliance For Orphans ( http://www.christianalliancefororphans.org/ ) sets aside one Sunday in November to raise awareness for the world wide orphan crisis. It always comes with many emotions attached for me. This past Sunday was it! In my mind, I see several faces of kids I have met and have essentially seen grow up over the past six years in Tocuz, Moldova. I see Vica, Christina, Olga, Rodica, Irina, Zina, Marin, Gheorghe...just to name a few.  And now that I have started working in foster care, I work with children as young as 10 months old who are in the care of the state. Last week I had to move one of my kids into her 4th foster home. She is only 14 years old and is waiting to be adopted.  Kids shouldn't ever have to worry about if "this home" is going to keep them.
So, on "Orphan Sunday", I had a variety of faces flashing in front of me; some from Moldova and some from Massachusetts.

As believers, we are commanded to take action. Isaiah 1:17 says "Defend the cause of orphans." James 1:27 declares "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God means caring for orphans and widows in their distress..."
What does this "action" look like?
1. Pray and pray some more. Pray for God to ignite a burden in your heart. But be prepared..He WILL honor your desire and WILL guide you to a specific place of action.

2. Know a face, not a statistic. I remember reading "The Hole In Our Gospel" by Richard Stearns, president of World Vision. He said that when people are given statistics, they just hear and see numbers. However, when people connect a person to a statistic and know their personal story, they are impacted and changed. For example, become involved with "Face of a Child" in Moldova and fill up a large bag or backpack for a specific child who will not receive anything else all year. You will receive a picture of specific child in need! (http://www.lsmglobal.org)

3. Consider being a parent through fostercare or adoption. There are tens of thousands of children all over the world who do not have a place that is considered their permament home. This permanency has become so real to me over the past 8 months at my current job. Unfortunately, I have had to move several kids out of homes into new ones. There is nothing worse than this~seeing kids being bounced around, having to adapt to new homes, new schools, and leaving friends behind.  Do you want to see some of the precious faces who live in Massachusetts who continue to wait for a mom and dad? Check out this link: http://www.mareinc.org/Index.html It's for MARE (Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange) and their goal is to provide profiles and stories of children in fostercare to those who are looking to adopt. If you are reading this and live in another state, I guarantee your home state has something similar.

We are all commanded to act! What does that look like for you?

Slow

Over the last few days, the Lord has laid random words on my heart to focus on. One of them is "slow". Really, "slow down". Hasn't our culture become one that is always trying to get to the next "thing"? Rushing, rushing, rushing until it is accomplished.
That is how I have become with our adoption. In my heart, I have been wishing away the next 18 months so that we could have a family. 18 months is a looong time to wish away. To not enjoy. To not enjoy the moment...these moments that are fleeting and ones I will never get back. To be too busy focused on me and not on God's voice.
Adam had texted me a couple of days ago and said he wanted to surprise me with something that would be fun for both of us. When we discussed how much it was going to be, I said I don't think we should do it because we could be saving that money towards our adoption fund. He agreed that adoption is expensive, but (and I love this..) he reminded me that "we can't lose sight of the small things in the mean time." There is a whole lot of life waiting to be enjoyed in 18 months.
And there's a whole lot of work God is doing..daily! It's scary to think how easy it is to be self-absorbed and miss out on what God is trying to speak to me each day. I am reminded of the passage in Luke 24. Jesus had been dead for 3 days. His followers were in deep mourning. 2 guys were walking down the road discussing the events of the past week and along came Jesus, alive, and was walking beside them, talking to them. They had no idea it was their Jesus who was speaking right to them. They were too focused on their hurt and the tragedy of losing Him. How often am I that guy..Jesus right next to me, walking, talking, trying to get my attention..but I am too focused on my own stuff. Too focused on getting paperwork done as quickly as possible so our 18 months can be over and done with.
It's this time in between that I don't want to miss out on. Really. This is when God's voice is loudest, He shines the brightest, and is most glorified.
So as I wait, I do have peace. Hard, yes. But it is there...most days:) And I am giving all I can to enjoy today, each day...time is such a gift.

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

"Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

Stretchmarks of Faith

So many of you have been so sweet and asking if it is OK to ask us how our adoption is going. Of course it is!:) Unfortunately, we continue to have no new news. Carolina Adoption Services have been approved to be re-accredited in Moldova and they are waiting on some of the final steps from the Moldovan government. So, this is positive. When will we find out? Who knows! We just keep pressing on..we have to complete a bunch of pre-adoptive education online and we just have not had the time or energy to do it. If you could pray for us to get this completed, we would greatly appreciate it. Thank you!:)

Counting the blessings:
A close friend of mine e-mailed me about a month ago and said that she was praying for us. Her specific prayer was that I would find another mom who was trying to adopt from Moldova so we could help support each other. Sure enough, I got a message on Facebook a few days later from a friend who lives in Colorado. She had met a woman at her church that was trying to adopt from Moldova and wants us to stay in touch. God is good, isn't He?

Every so often, I wish we had something physical to remind us that a baby is on the way. An ultrasound. A growing stomach. A sure timeline of 9 months. Anything. But with those fleeting thoughts comes conviction. Sometimes a whisper. Sometimes a shout. Jesus reminding me "I AM enough". His fingerprints have been on this whole journey. I don't want to miss Him~His voice, His convictions, His encouragement. The Lord HAS to be my number one desire. HE has to be the source of my joy. Nothing else can bring full satisfaction. Friends can disappoint us. Jobs can leave us. Marriages can fail. Kids can make bad decisions. Jesus is the only constant. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His grace is sufficient in our weakness. Through pain, He brings peace that passes all understanding. His love is unfailing. He came to give us fullness of life. I was reading yesterday how the name that God calls himself  "I AM" is present tense. He loves you today, He is with you today, and He wants to be your number one ...forever.

My deepest desire is to be a mom and have blessed chaos in our small apartment. But if it never happens and the only thing I come out of this is with a deeper relationship with the Lord..not just knowing about Him, but knowing Him...I will have won. Actually, I already have won.

So, come and stretch with me:) I would love to hear what God is doing in your life. He loves you like crazy and so do I! Thank you for checking in on us:)

Psalm 91:2 "This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God and I trust Him."

So Let It Grow

There have been two verses that over the last few weeks that God has used to speak to me and I wanted to share them because there are several of you that I pray for who are in waiting period. Whether it is for a family, a spouse, a new career, or direction in when to move again, the waiting is hard...but...can also be a time of great joy.

I personally don't wait well and it's apparent that God knows that because here we are, once again, waiting. There have been several occasions throughout our 9 years of marriage where we have had to wait, and it has been hard. Really, really hard. But God is merciful, gracious, and compassionate and I am so thankful for those times in our past to reflect on as we wait on God's timing for a family.

The first verse that has been such an encouragement to me over the last few weeks in James 1:2-4:

 "When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."

We simply have a choice to wait or not. To wait for the Lord or take the easy way out of whatever trial we are going through. If we choose to wait, we are allowing God to do amazing things and are allowing Him to bring us to perfection....to bring us to a closer relationship with Him and to know Him in a deeper way than what we had before. Adam and I are choosing "to let it grow."

The second verse I wanted to share is found in Isaiah 45:3:

"And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness-secret riches.

I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord."

Sometimes waiting does feel  like a dark time, that there isn't really a light at the end of the tunnel. It can feel lonely as everyone else seems to go about their daily lives. But I love how God promises to send us reminders of Him in the dark times...reminders that He is still there, He is working, and He is moving...even when it doesn't always seem like it. For me, these "treasures" have come in many different ways. But over the last several days it has been through e-mails, phone calls, and texts from friends and family. And they often come at random times, but right when I needed to read it. A friend texted me early morning last week and my sister in law texted me at midnight..both including verses that talked about God's timing and His promises. And there have been many other occasions that this has happened and we are so grateful. They have reminded us that God is active and is speaking to us. Another great provision this week...we received a note from our landlords saying that they wanted to cut our rent almost in half for the month of July so we could save the rest for the adoption! They are so generous and needless to say we were quite surprised.

God has been so good to us..so we are embracing the waiting and are excited to see Him "make the impossible possible." (Mark 10:27

Thanks for checking in...please know how grateful we are for each of you:)

Continuing to wait

Just wanted to send you all a quick update..this will probably be the quickest update ever, because there isn't any new news. We heard from our social worker out of North Carolina and everything is still at a standstill and they predict it will be like this until late summer. So we continue to wait. And that's OK
But I haven't been so "OK" with it over the last few weeks. I've been mad, frustrated, sad during Mothers Day and Fathers Day, and just not happy. I was tired of waiting.  Some of you have heard me talk about two little girls on my case load at work. They are sisters and are pretty much the office favorites. They are the highlight of my week when I get to visit them at home. They are waiting to be adopted and their social worker expects that they will be adopted by the end of summer. I started thinking how Adam and I could adopt them and how much joy they would bring to our home. I spoke with the girls' social worker after a case meeting last week and asked what we would need to do if we were interested. She said their case is moving fast but she would move us right along if we were truly interested. I knew in my heart that God was saying "No" but I continued to argue with Him...which never turns out in my favor. Ha. So you can imagine how the conversation went when I told Adam "So, there's these 2 girls who are waiting to be adopted...." He continues to use Adam to remind me of where God has called us and that we have committed ourselves to Moldova until that door closes.
I so want to take the easy way out in all of this but I know we can't. We would be missing out on so much that God wants to show us and teach us. I was reading this morning in Matthew 16:15. Jesus asked Peter "Who do you say that I am?" I felt like it was Jesus asking me that question..."Who am I to you?"  I immediately thought of the power He has over death..He is victorious over everything and has power over everything. And He reminded me this morning that He can make the impossible POSSIBLE.  If I have learned anything over the last few years it's that during these waiting periods the Lord shines the brightest and I know I don't want to miss out on that.
Adam and I are praying over this verse today: Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."
We appreciate your continued prayers...thanks for checking in:)

Verse For Today

Psalm 25:4-5
Show me the right path, O Lord;point out the road for me to follow.
Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.

Thankful for God's presence in the waiting and that He is actively guiding each step.