For days like these...

I went to bed last night with a heavy heart and woke up this morning with the same feeling. My heart is completely broken and just aches for the families in Connecticut who are left behind to deal with the tragedy of the school shooting. My mind just can't wrap itself around the atrocity of it. While I am not a mother, I saw specific faces in my mind throughout Friday night: faces of my 3 nephews, faces of dear friends' children who I love dearly, faces of family members who are school teachers. And my heart just broke.
We live in a broken, fallen world. It's on days like this past Friday that I am reminded of the magnitude of the sin that envelopes our communities. Pure evil, really. But because there is evil, there HAS to be Good. The only Good in this world is our hope in Jesus Christ. Because of Jesus we have the opportunity to receive His grace fully and completely. Because of His mercy, we are permitted to become sons and daughters of God and have fullness of life for eternity. Because of Jesus, the war against sin and evil will soon be won. He always remains victorious.
This is my hope. This is my comfort. As I watched the news Friday night, I had to walk away. All I could pray was "Jesus, come quickly." I long for the day when Jesus returns. When evil loses and when Good reigns victorious. I am choosing to believe His promise: " In this world there will be trouble. But take heart. I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
My prayer is that the God of all comfort and of all peace will wrap His arms around each person affected by this tragedy and that they will be drawn to the hope that rests only in Jesus.

"You keep track of all my sorrows.

You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

 You have recorded each one in your book."

Psalm 56:8

 

"Come to Me, all of you who are weary

and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you.

Let me teach you,

because I am humble and gentle at heart,

 and you will find rest for your souls."

 Matthew 11:28-29

Giveaway Winner and Reflection Verses

Thank you to each of you who left comments on my blog, comments on the Encouragement Cafe links, and the encouraging e-mails I received. I am so thankful for EACH of you! The winner of the free copy of Ann Voskamp's "1,000 Gifts" is CJW! Please e-mail me at colleengyoung@gmail.com and send me your mailing address. Please put "book giveaway" in the subject line so I know it's you. :)

I don't know where you all live, but here in New England, it is a beautiful Saturday morning. I woke up early and drove to the beach to walk and have my quiet time. I just wanted to share a couple of verses to reflect on this weekend:

Psalm 143:8~ "Let me hear of Your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting You. Show me where to walk for I give myself to You."

Ephesians 3:18-19 "And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."

 

Romans 8:31 "If God is for us, who can ever be against us?"

 

Heart Makeover and a Giveaway!

Good morning! If you found my blog from the devotional I have running over at "Encouragement Cafe" , welcome! I am so glad you stopped by!
Learning the discipline of contentment is not easy. It is a daily lesson. However, it is something that God has desired for us so we can have fullness of life.

Not too long ago I was caught in the trap of comparing myself to others, wishing I had certain things that they had. God worked and worked, and I tried to ignore and ignore. Until He put the brakes on it. He literally gave me a heart makeover. Instead of wishing time away or wishing I had something I didn't, He taught me to see Him in each day~ whether it was a day filled with happiness and laughter or a day filled with struggle and tears.  One of the simple prayers that I have started praying before I step out the door to begin my day is "God, I want to see You and hear from You today." Some days He is obvious; some days I have to search. In the end, His fingerprints are there.

Contentment isn't a lesson that was taught when everything in life was going smoothly. For me, it has been the opposite~ it has been during times of struggle and hardship. I have found that the valleys are God's classroom and we can choose to sit in the front and learn as much as we can, or sit in the back and pretend to ignore Him.
The first step is meditating on His words. Pick a verse. Read it. Study it. Let it become the forefront of your mind. God's promises are alive and active and have the ability to transform our hearts and mind. God's Word is also our protection from any kind of sin, such as jealousy.
Then start writing. I think you will be amazed at how God shows up in each day. My journal has especially helped me during our adoption and track the faithfulness of God in big and small ways.

I would love to hear from you! I am giving away one of my most favorite books, "1,000 Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. Her insights about contentment and living each day to the fullest have been life changing and I would love to share this with someone. So, please leave a comment below and check back here tomorrow or subscribe for e-mail notifications on the right hand side to see who won!
Praying that you see God's gifts surrounding you today!

Reflection:

Psalm 118:24~ "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Psalm 116:7~ " Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

Psalm 108:1,3-4~ " My heart is steadfast, O God, I will sing and make music with all my soul...I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies."

Check out Ann Voskamp's blog: www.aholyexperience.com for daily post on how to live a joy filled life!

Meditating on God's Love

If you are dropping by because you read my devotional "Difficult but Beautiful" running over at Encouragement Cafe, welcome! I am so happy you are here!
Adoption has stretched my faith in more ways than I could ever expect. I am forever grateful. When I stopped to reflect on God's adoption process for me and for you, I was blown away. There was sacrifice. There were tears. There was physical and emotional pain. Yet this was all directed by Love.
I was adopted by Jesus at 4 years old so for most of my life I have known that God loves me and have read about it and have talked about it. It is so easy to become complacent with such simple statements and not delve into the truth behind it. Adoption has deepened my understanding of the love that God has bestowed upon me and has caused me to meditate on what exactly His love means.

I want to share just a few verses with you that have spoken to me. I encourage you to take some time over the next few days and meditate on them, also. Take a walk before your day starts. Grab a journal and a cup of coffee or whatever you do to start your day that allows your heart to focus on the Lord. My prayer is that your relationship with Jesus will deepen because of what He did on the Cross.

Ephesians 2:4-5~ "But God is so rich in mercy and He loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, He gave us life when He raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God's grace that you have been saved!)

Ephesians 1:7-8~ "So we praise God for the glorious grace He has poured out on us who belong to His dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son and forgave our sins. He has showered His kindness on us, along with wisdom and understanding.

Matthew 11:28-30~ "Come to me , all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."

His love for us is deep, wide, and overflowing. We are adopted into His family when we come before Him with a repentant heart and acknowledge that without Jesus, we have separation from Him because of our sin. This separation is dissolved when we place our full trust in the Cross of Jesus and claim the forgiveness that Jesus has offered. By the Cross we become children of God and are forever adopted into His family. Just as when our baby comes home, he/she will be forever ours. Nothing can change that. So it is with God. Nothing can separate us from the love that He has given us.He will forever be our Father.
I continue to be humbled that the God of the universe, the Creator, has adopted me as His daughter. He is my Father; I am part of His family! It is just simply amazing.
I am praying for each of you today, that the message of the Cross will seep into your hearts and that the love of Jesus will become more real to you today than it has ever been.

Stones~Village of Poiana, Moldova

                         
 

Their faces showed innocence as they waited expectantly for their one new gift that they would receive this year. There were 26 small children, ranging from 1 years old to 4 years old,  gathered in a tiny school house in the village of Poiana, Moldova.  As I took in each precious face, I listened to the words of the principal speak of how the love of Jesus allows her to care for each of these children as her own. She makes approximately $50 a month because she gives about 90% of her monthly salary to make sure each child is able to have food each day. The parents of these children are too poor to provide food for them so the kids eat 3 meals a day at their preschool. Diapers are a luxury so the babies are often in soiled clothes. I am convicted by this woman's compassion and sacrifice.  She goes without so they can be filled.

Adam and I caught each other's eyes as we scanned the room and we smiled. As we said goodbye, though, our smiles turned to tears. We didn't have to say a word to each other as we knew each other's heart. As we looked at each boy it was like looking into Noah's eyes. Each girl was as if we saw Hope. But it's not the baby we will have in America. It's the little boy or girl we left In Moldova back in April when we decided that it was time to pull out of the Moldovan adoption program.

This was our second time in Poiana. By revisiting it, it has driven us to continue to pray more earnestly for the orphans of Moldova as well as the government as they work to establish  structured adoption guidelines.  How our hearts are heavy for these precious children. How our hearts are heavy for our Hope/Noah.

 

Last year, we attended a marriage conference and listened to one particular couple speak of how for one year they left small stones around the world at places that were special to them. Adam and I loved this idea and have started that tradition.  Before we left Poiana, I pulled a small stone out of my bag and laid it on the outside wall as we left the school.  Adam put his arm around me and hugged me before we got in the van to leave. As we walked away, Adam took the stone and found a tree right outside the entrance to the school and buried it. Our hearts are forever there and will always be given to the children of Moldova.

As I write this, I am on the plane home from Moldova and am listening to some music. One of the lines to the song is "Greater things are yet to come...there is no one like our God." I believe that with all my heart and believe this as I pray for the kids who are waiting to be in families.
Our God is a faithful God, isn't He?

Adoption Joys

We are moving right along. We are finally on the waiting list with our adoption attorneys. We don't know how many are ahead of us but will find out soon. Our birth mom letter is sent to be edited by one of the attorneys and once that is finished they will do the whole layout for us with all of our pictures. I can't wait to share it with you all when it is done! When we were writing it, Adam had said "This is the most important letter we will ever have to write." YES! I stopped many times and tried to picture women on the other side reading it. Women confused, desperate, and struggling. How my heart breaks for her.
Our greatest prayer right now is for this precious woman. That she is healthy. That she has someone in her life who is a positive support to her as she makes this decision. But most importantly, that right now God is doing a work in her heart to draw her to Jesus.  Will you join us in praying for her? That the words she reads about us will draw her to us (quickly..haha:) ?
 Our family will be increasing by 2, really. We feel so blessed to be on this path. The past few days, my heart has been full. I have been thanking God that He chose us to adopt. What an honor. I am thankful that His ways are higher than mine and His plans and timing are far greater than anything I could possibly imagine. He has turned our sadness into joy and our waiting into a time of pure dependence. I wouldn't trade this for anything.
I was just reading about how gold is refined.(Pause: If Adam were reading this, he would probably laugh. I am not that interested in science and anytime he would watch anything on the Discovery Channel, I would say one word to him, "Bored", and do something way more educational by jumping on Facebook. Anyways...)  To blast out all the impurities gold is sent through intense heat. The valleys that we face can be this refining time. A time to strip away everything that hinders sheer dependence and trust in God. But in the end...pure gold! After the refining process is done, gold is actually soft and pliable. Isn't this how God wants us? Moldable?
Being refined is hard. It's difficult. But there is a finished product. In the end, God makes all things beautiful.

Verses to reflect on:
Isaiah 43:1--5:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;  I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters,
²     I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers,  they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God  the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...Since you are precious and honored in my sight,   and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you,   nations in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you.."

Joy Journey: New Mercies Each Morning

Oh, life. That is how I have felt over these past couple of weeks. It has been crazy and hectic. I worked late almost every night and Adam switched work shifts temporarily. I had hoped to start writing about 30 days of joy and thankfulness but time just did not allow. Thankfully, for now, life is "normal" . Our schedule has slowed down. Adam is working normal {for him} hours. Work for me has calmed down. Finally time to breathe.

 Can I tell you how much this joy journal has helped center my mind? I really struggled these past couple of weeks. I was overtired from working and also waking up when Adam would come home from work (which was usually around 1AM) And, work itself, was really hard. Anyhow, I was just drained and my mind was going in a million directions. Do you ever feel like you are in survival mode? Just wanting to make it til 5PM Friday afternoon? That was me. I woke up one morning and felt that God just wanted my time. My first moments of the day before I went into my hectic routine. Normally, this is what I do. But not these 2 weeks I'm referencing. My soul was completely dry. As I got my Bible and journal out, I literally just sat there staring off. I couldn't focus on prayer or reading. In the devotional for the day, I read Romans 8:26 " In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that we cannot express." As I meditated on this, I felt the blinders being lifted off of my eyes and my soul being refreshed. Isn't it amazing that we have a God who cares so much for us that He intercedes for us? Just amazing. After a few minutes, I pulled out my journal and started thinking about the past couple of weeks. When I was living each day, I easily said they were horrible. However, now that they were over, I reflected back on them and saw so much goodness. God's faithfulness. God's mercy. God's grace. Each day sprinkled with them. What a gift.

Here are some things from the past couple of weeks:
* laughter w/ Adam. Our inside jokes. We laugh. Alot. Especially at the mall. (And Wal-Mart & the grocery store)
* flowers Adam sent to me at work
* encouraging co-workers
* phone call from Noelle
* Adam's random texts saying he is praying for me & that he loves me
* Adam's offer to clean the entire apartment so I could rest. :)
* God's new mercies each morning
* dinner with great friends. playing with their kids. having glitter everywhere from a cute Cinderella princess dress:)

Love her. She calls Adam "Mr. Awesome". Hysterical.

My office is much more brighter:)

I sat in my bed, staring at my list. I couldn't believe how faithful God had been to me. In the moment of those weeks, I couldn't see it. But I was thankful He was able to draw me to this place of seeing that He is good, all the time.

Is it possible that there is goodness and joy in our worst days (my sister in law and I call them our "blah" days), mediocre days, normal days? YES! God is at work each and every day. Lamentations 3:23 says: "Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new EVERY morning; great is your faithfulness."  I am just in love and overwhelmed by this promise. Did you read that? His compassion and mercy never run out..they are new every single day. What a way to start a new day or a new week..reflecting that God's mercy and love and faithfulness has not run out. It is an endless supply. He is allowing us to live in it each day.

My prayer for you today is that you don't let the normalcy of your day, the chaos of your day, the mediocrity of your day blind you from God's activity around you. Take a moment to see His goodness. Reflect on His faithfulness. I would love to hear how He has made Himself known to you.

A day of opportunity

A month ago Adam and I rented a house in the mountains of New Hampshire. We hadn't taken a vacation in 5 years and just wanted to get away. We were so excited to go hiking and spend time outside. This area was one of our favorite places to be. But as our awesome luck would have it, rain was predicted. For every single day. In New England, they say that the weather changes as fast as you blink. I was hoping this was the case. Our first day there, it down poured. Torrential downpours. It was wonderful to just relax and have no where to go and nothing we needed to get done. But by day 3, the rain got old and I was not happy. Adam could not suggest anything to make me happy. Through all of my rants of "This isn't fair" and "We never take vacations. We could be sitting at home doing the same thing for free" (blah blah blah), Adam forced me to get up and got me moving. He said that we were going to enjoy the day even if it's raining. And of course, I replied supportingly with "Sure we are." {insert sarcasm} Can I tell you that this particular day was my favorite day of the whole week? As we started driving, the rain slowly stopped. We were driving along the Kancamagus Highway which goes for about 30 miles or so. Along the way are stop off points to go hiking or take pictures of the mountains. My favorite spots were by the water where the river was running through. It is absolutely beautiful. I am thankful for a husband who encourages to make the most of every opportunity. I am so grateful that I did not miss out on this day!

Adam making fun of me pouting. Ha:)

Each day is a gift, don't you think? I know, that is so cliche. But I have been contemplating on this thought for the past few weeks. Each day is filled with opportunity- opportunity to hear God speak; opportunity to reach out to others; opportunity to be thankful despite our circumstances. I had breakfast with a friend last month and she was sharing some deep struggles that she had been going through. But what took me by surprise was that she had been suffering for a few months and I had no idea. A significant amount of time had passed since I had last spoken with her and I couldn't believe that I had allowed myself to be so out of touch with a close friend. It's easy to say how busy life gets. And that is true. It does. But this awakened me to the fact that I had been so absorbed in my own things that I was missing out on great opportunities to come alongside those I care about. I don't want to miss out on any more of these opportunities but I know my life is filled with missed phone calls, missed cards, or missed meals with those who needed encouragement.

As I worked on our letter to our birth mother, I had mentioned that one of the main things that was important to us was that we raise a compassionate child. Jesus states that others will know who His followers are by their love for others. That is our hope and prayer for not only us but for the children He blesses us with. I want to see and hear God in each day that He grants me. Have you ever read "1,000 Gifts" by Ann Voskamp? It is one of my favorites. She was challenged by a friend to keep a journal of 1,000 reminders of God's goodness. She often found these reminders throughout normal every day activities, such as washing the dishes and going grocery shopping. (Which I think is a feat in itself..those are 2 of my least favorite things to do. Ever.) So I am off to start my own. My hope is to keep this journal until God brings us our baby. This will help keep my eyes focused on His daily grace but will also help me stay focused in the moment and hopefully not miss His gifts of opportunity. I not only want to see Him in my daily life but my prayer is to bring Jesus to others. I am taking on a writing project to blog about God's gifts over the next 30 days. Will you join me?

Some practical steps to get started:
1. Pray. I have always found that God does grant us His desires when it's lined up with His Word. And He so desires to reveal Himself to us each and every day. Make it your morning prayer to ask Him to open your eyes and your heart to see Him throughout your day.
2. Write it down. I bought a journal at Target and will have it in my work bag and will carry it around with me so I have it on hand. Buy one small enough to throw in your glove box or purse.
3. Buy some note cards. I also bought a cheap box of note cards so I can always have on hand to drop someone a card. In the age of technology, writing cards has gone by the wayside. And I am the first to admit it. I love to text and send messages through Facebook. You never know who God will bring across your path that will need a note of encouragement.

I truly believe that when our eyes are solely focused on God, we see His goodness, love, and grace no matter what we are facing. It's almost like tunnel vision, where we focus only straight ahead. Everything around us doesn't disappear; it just becomes more blurry because our focus has shifted Upward.

As John Piper says, "Don't waste your life". Seize today for it is a gift. Look Upward and touch God's grace.

The clouds will eventually break!

Working on our profile

We are nearing the end of our paperwork. At least I hope. :) Tomorrow we mail out a packet which will retain us with Kirsh & Kirsh. Hallelujah! The final thing we need to work on is our letter to the birth mom which will include our family profile. Our goal is to have it done by the end of next week. This profile will be looked at by birth moms and they will use our profile to select us to be parents to their child. We feel like it's our most important document that we have worked on so far. I started writing it awhile ago, bits and pieces here and there. But, I struggle. What do you say to a woman who is choosing to give you the greatest gift? A gift of sacrifice and love? Needless to say my heart is heavy. Last week I googled birthmom blogs. I was curious about them and was hoping that some kept a blog so I could get a small glimpse of their emotions. What I found were women who were raw; healing; and those who would forever process the decision to give part of themselves away. I found myself coming to terms with my own ignorance of the day our baby will be born and we are handed him/her. It will be our greatest joy to hold them, yet there will be a woman leaving the hospital empty handed and with an empty heart. I had never really thought about it until just a few weeks ago. We go home with a family yet she goes home with grief and pain. The Lord continues to lay on my heart how much she needs our prayers. Not just during her pregnancy but for a lifetime afterwards. Oh, how I pray that through this storm, she will find Jesus. The ultimate Healer. Comforter. Father. I have no idea where God is leading us, but I do know our birth mom will be just as much a gift as our baby. We will be gaining 2 people in our family not just 1. Will you join us in praying for her? We continue to meditate on our verse for 2012: "Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7 We pray you are having a wonderful summer so far. We are having a blast:) XOXO

God's Ways Are Higher

If there is anything I have come to know and believe wholeheartedly it is this truth. Isaiah 55:9 says: "For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." God sees the big picture and knows full well that the path He has me on and you on is better than anything we could each imagine. Sometimes it's so hard to understand, isn't it? Last week, I thought I was pregnant. I was more than confident, actually. The thought was all-consuming. Before I took a pregnancy test, I texted a few people close to me and asked them to pray that no matter what, there wouldn't be any disappointment.  Thankfully, the test was negative. No, that wasn't a type-o; I DID say thankfully. :) I can't say there wasn't ANY disappointment. Right afterwards, I ate Milk Duds and ice cream for dinner. But after that, I was so happy. So happy that tears came to my eyes, even right now as I write this. If I became pregnant, our adoption would have to be put on hold. And that thought brought sadness to Adam and I as we talked about "what if". Even though physically there isn't a baby growing, there is one growing in both of our hearts. The idea of that baby being lost brought so much more sadness to us than the negative sign on a pregnancy test. I am overjoyed that we still have our baby, the baby God has designed perfectly for us. Sometimes we feel like he/she is so close, other days it feels so far away. But we continue to trust. I continue to be amazed at how God works; the way He allows His plans to overtake our own and how He changes our mindset. If you had told me months ago that I would be excited to see a negative sign on a pregnancy test, I wouldn't have believed you. Wow, God is so good. "...My ways are higher than your ways ..."
I am so grateful for the blessing of adoption and that this is the way God has designed our family to be created. I couldn't imagine anything more perfect.

Seasons

You are on my heart and I have been praying for you. Over the last few weeks, I have felt God impressing on my heart to leave a message here for those who are hurting, going through a waiting period, or are in need of healing. I finally have a free moment to sit down and write this.
Whether you are waiting for a job, a spouse, a test result from a doctor, or any other answer God is real and is heartbroken over your pain. Psalms states that he collects our tears in a bottle. (Psalms 56:8)  I have walked through the valley of marriage, the valley of vocation, and the valley of desiring a family. There have been many times that I have questioned if the Lord could really hear my cries out to Him or if He could really see me in the valley. At the end of the day, I had to make a choice. I had to choose to really believe in who He says He is or I had to choose to walk on my own.
Last summer, I was going through an emotional winter. And just like physical New England winters, I felt like my winter was never going to end. And through my hurt and pain, I had to make the choice of believing in God's promises or not. I chose to believe. That was a battle in and of itself. But God promises us that His Word is our weapon and it is active.(Hebrews 4:12) I found verses to pray through several times a day for several months. And ever so slowly, there was break through. The pain or the struggle didn't immediately go away, but God's peace started to flood through the cracks and it soon overshadowed my difficulties. These valleys made God's promises real to me. It is one thing to say I believed in Him. It's another to cling to it and place all my trust in Him because He was all I had at that time.
I believe He can do the same for you. I am overwhelmed by your suffering. Some I know of specifically, some I don't. But the burden I have for you is real and I am praying.

How can you get through your valley?

* Claim God's promises. If you haven't already, get out your Bible and find a verse that speaks to you about your situation. Memorize it. Pray it. It may take some time for the pain to subside and the peace to come in, but I promise you, it will. If you don't have a Bible, I would love to buy you one. Please let me know!

* Praise God. Yes, you read that right. We are to praise God. I personally don't think we have to praise Him FOR the valley while we are in it, but praise Him DESPITE it. By giving thanks to HIm, we are turning our eyes to Him only and taking our focus off of the trial. Philippians 4:6-7 states:" ⁶ Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (NLT) This will be hard. I know. I read in one of the Psalms about David offeirng a "sacrifice of praise". I now understand that phrase. Praise IS a sacrifice..but it is something God will honor.

* Journal. By recording what God is doing for you and through you during hard times will serve as a reminder of His faithfulness in the future. In the Old Testament, God's leaders would set up stone altars as a reminder of how God was faithful to them. These were markers of His answers. I have found this to be true of my prayer journals or notes I have written in my Bible. They have served as constant reminders of God's faithfulness in the past.

I continue to pray for you. I pray that God's faithfulness and peace will eventually be able to supercede your pain. He is the only constant in this world.

The beautifully hard road of adoption

This past week I have been reading through the book "Orphanology", written by my brother and sister-in-law's friend Tony Merida. Tony and his wife Kim have adopted 5 kids: 4 from the Ukraine and 1 from Ethiopia. I was blessed to meet these precious kids 2 years ago when I was in New Orleans. My favorite part of the book? Opening it up to see the signatures of each of these sweet children...such a vivid reminder of their changed lives.
One of the stories Tony mentions has really challenged me. A couple gave their adoption experience~ it was challenging and hard. A true roller coaster. But then they equated it to the suffering that Jesus endured to adopt us into His family. He gave His LIFE to make us His sons and daughters. Shouldn't it be a joy, then, to endure suffering to adopt a little one into our family?
This thought has resonated with me the past few days. Jesus didn't quit because the road was hard. He knew the pain and agony He was going to experience, yet He loved me and you so much that He finished the course. He endured ridicule, betrayal, and physical pain..because of His great love for US!
I think of Jesus' walk up to Calvary. His final moments on earth. That walk must have seemed like it was taking forever. There have been days when Adam and I have felt like that...will we make it to the end? Then I think of the man on the side of the road that carried Jesus' cross for Him because He was struggling. The heavy burden of the cross became overwhelming. That man is each of you~ You have carried our cross for us on so many days. I have saved every text, e-mail, voicemail, card that you have sent us. Adam and I are blessed by each of you. The road Jesus travelled for me to become His daughter was hard, painful, yet beautiful. This is the same for our baby.
As I reflect on what Jesus endured to adopt me, the love I have for this baby is overflowing. What a joy it is to press on for the fatherless and to bring "the lonely into families." (Psalm 68:6)
Have you been adopted by God? Adam and I have..and would love to tell you how He can be your Father. He is waiting for you and continues to fight for you. His deepest desire is to finalize your adoption.

For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy

and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us

to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ,

in accordance with His pleasure and will." Ephesians 1:4-5


How great is the love the Father has lavished on us,
that we should be called the children of God!And that is what we are! 1John 3:1

Homestudy finally approved!

We finally found out from Carol, our social worker, that our homestudy has been submitted and approved! I'm not sure who was more excited, Adam and I or our social worker:) It took a year to get it done and out of the way..we are so thankful!
Now we are looking for a placement agency. Carol recommended that we look outside of Massachusetts since we are requesting a Caucasian infant. She recommended 2 attorneys in Indiana that specialize in adoption placements and adoption law. I spoke to them this past week and really liked them. He was very upfront which I loved. We don't want anything sugar coated for us at this point. We just want the real deal. Altho, he wasn't thrilled that we are Pats fans..ha:) He said we could only work with them if we burned our Brady jerseys and wore Indy shirts. At first I said "Fat chance" but said that we are willing to do anything at this point if it meant moving us along faster. :) There is one more place we are going to look into, but are leaning towards the firm in Indiana.
We also can now start looking into applying for grants and scholarships. There are so many fabulous agencies out there who are looking to help offset the costs of adoption. The main one we are looking into is Show Hope (www.showhope.org) founded by Steven Curtis Chapman. Him and his wife's ministry is amazing!
Next steps: we need to get FBI fingerprinted and work on our adoption profiles to submit to our placement agency. Our profile is our biography and will be shown to expectant moms who are deciding to make an adoption plan for their baby. We believe that the right woman will see our story and all of our lives will change. We continue to pray for her.
Tomorrow, we are getting pictures taken for our profile by our dear friend, Terri who is also an adoptive mother.
We continue to put our faith in God's timing and His sovereignty. He is faithful, bottom line, and we trust in that. Thanks for checking in on us:)

Two Paths

When Adam and I decided to change our focus to domestic adoption, I started to think about the new possibilities and the new people God would put on our path. The way God brings people into our lives is amazing, isn't it? We have seen Him work in pretty awesome ways in our own lives and we don't doubt that this will be any different.
A couple of nights after we made our decision, I started thinking about this certain young woman. This young woman who will be making the ultimate sacrifice of love which will allow us to become a mom and dad. My heart was heavy for her. Not knowing these thoughts, my sister-in-law brought her up in a recent conversation and said "Your paths are about to cross." Who knows where she is right now, but she is heading down a path that will bring her into crisis. Yet, the result of her crisis will become our greatest joy. As we sit here waiting, she is searching, wandering. How I wish I could tell her that we are on the other side waiting and there is hope. Kind of like how God is speaking to us right now. He knows the end of this story; we just need to trust. There is hope. Our stories are so similar. I'm starting a journal for her and am planning on giving it to her when we meet. My prayer is that through her own struggles and pain, the result will end in her finding contentment in Jesus, just as I have found.
Adam and I have shifted focus in not just praying for this baby but also for its' other mom. Will you pray for us as we continue on in deciding how we can reach out to her, whenever our paths are meant to cross?

"And we know that God causes everything

to work together for the good

of those who love God

 and are called according to His purpose for them.

Romans 8:28

Changes

It's been awhile since I had given an update. Over the last 2 weeks, things have changed quite a bit. 2 weeks ago, we received an e-mail from our agency in North Carolina stating that the Moldovan government is still dragging its' feet with changing and revising adoption laws. Currently there are 4 families in our agency who have been in limbo for a year and the social workers are working hard to get them moving. Unfortunately, they aren't even going to be looked at til May. Which means we still could not begin the paperwork we need to. Our program director has also said that it appears that the youngest children available will be 5 year olds and we had given a range of 2-4. She said we are looking at at least another 1 1/2 year wait. After much discussion and prayer, we feel God has closed this door for right now. This decision has been so hard to make. With it, has come alot of anger, sadness, and guilt. In our kitchen, I have a collage of pictures from our past trips and as I look at those pictures, I see Hope/Noah and I wonder if we are turning our back on a baby in Moldova. I know in reality that isn't true, but the feeling is still real. I am angry at Mother's Day and pregnancies and paperwork.
I share all of this to say, that despite all of that, God is faithful. I was writing that short statement out this morning and it reminded me greatly that YES, the Lord has been so faithful to us! I see His fingerprints over the last year in so many areas. I was tempted to sit and think of how much we wasted this last year and the Lord has reminded me this morning that this year was a gift, really. A year for growing our marriage, growing us as individuals and growing in our knowledge of who the Lord is to us. God's timing is never a waste. How thankful I am for the way He is active even in waiting periods. Adam and I trust Him; we believe in His promises to us; and we believe that His way is perfect.
Our plan is to move forward with a domestic adoption. We are praying for an infant and are so excited to see where God leads. My friend Noelle was saying how exciting it is to think that Hope/Noah are so close to us! Yes!:) Wherever this baby is, we love it so much already...we can't wait to see their cute face:)
The wait seems to still be long, between 1-2 years, but who knows, it could be shorter.

Our verse for 2012:

"Be still in the presence of the Lord

and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7

Please continue to pray for us. We covet and treasure your prayers! We love you.

Glimmers

Have you ever been going through something and feel that you are in limbo..that how could possibly God be at work? Ah, the lesson of my life. :) God is making Himself known to me, and to you, every single day; unfortunately sometimes I fail to see Him because I am looking at life through my own eyes, not His. And, how He always brings me back to perspective. So thankful for His grace.
One of the things that I have shared with some of you that has been hard for me is to not have any physical reminders of our sweet baby..no pictures of ultrasounds, etc. Adam and I have to constantly remind ourselves that on the other side of our mountain of paperwork is Hope/Noah. One of my dear prayer partners  gave me a whole new way of viewing this struggle. She told me that each of the kids on my caseload represent Hope and Noah..that when I look at these children I can see my own children. What perspective!
I was assigned 2 1/2 week old twin girls to my caseload this week..I was able to help bring one of them home from the hospital to her new foster home. How beautiful are these little girls. I went to visit them yesterday and was helping feeding one of them. She fell asleep on my lap and I couldn't help think about where Hope/Noah is right now. Looking at this tiny baby helped me see our little one and just consumed me with love and happiness. Isn't God so faithful?



 

Last night, Adam and I received the pictures of the children that our church will be serving in Moldova in the fall. They, too, helped me see Hope/Noah...the children of Moldova who are forgotten and are desperately in need of families. Their eyes helped me see our kids. How I cannot wait for the fall for Adam and I to be in our second home:)  Adam and I are beyond excited for what God has in store for us.
Here are some of our favorite pictures from our past trips. We just love these kids:)

Praying your day is also filled with glimmers of God's goodness and faithfulness in your life...that you don't miss His Voice guiding you and His hands protecting you. He is a God of mercy, grace, and compassion. We have so much to be thankful for. 



Happy 2012!

It's hard to believe another year has past and we are in 2012. It was exactly this time last year that Adam and I decided to start our adoption process and research adoption agencies that would help us in Moldova. Time flies.

Where we are at:
As we have shared with many of you, adoptions in Moldova are still in limbo. The government agencies involved with adoption are "supposed" to be meeting "soon" (I'm using the word "soon" very loosely:) to discuss the guidelines for Moldova adoptions and make them more concrete. How does this affect us? We are not able to start any of our international paperwork because guidelines can change and our social workers do not want us to have redo paperwork if it is not necessary. Which, we can completely appreciate, as I am sure those of you have adopted internationally can too:)
We still need to send in our contract with Carolina Adoption Services. I think, subconsciously, we have been hesitant in doing this, because if Moldova adoptions close, we had no clear direction of what we would pursue instead. But God continues to give direction. Adam and I were talking about this yesterday and we both just had a peace that if the door to Moldova closes, we will pursue another country. What a weight lifted! We had talked about a domestic adoption, however CAS covers only international. So we had been torn for sometime. But now, international it is all the way! We want to stay in Eastern Europe, so we are starting to look into the countries CAS works with. But we continue to pray and wait for Moldova. That is where our heart is and we both said last night that we feel that our baby will come from there.
Our social worker is going to be starting to write up our homestudy report and then we need to wait for it to be approved by Homeland Security and then it's off to get fingerprinted. The homestudy should be written and completed by the end of this month.

Verse for 2012:
I like to pick a verse to pray through throughout the year and this year I chose Psalm 37:7a "Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act." (NLT) My first reaction is to cringe when I see the words "wait" and patiently" together...it is so convicting because I am not that patient! But God's ways are far greater than my ways and His thoughts are far greater than mine.
We are excited to see God's miracles unfold in 2012. This little child will truly be a miracle on so many levels. And we are hopeful. So we wait.

Thank you for checking in on us...we love each of you so much.

Hope/Noah's first Christmas..in our hearts:)

As we celebrated this Christmas, we did it with anticipation that it was our last one with just the two of us. We received the most precious gift from my brother Scott and sister-in-law Dana (or, sister-in-love, as Dana says.) They gave us a beautiful hope chest filled with gifts for Hope/Noah. I loved seeing the little dress for Hope and Spider Man pajamas for Noah. They also gave us the Jesus Storybook Bible with audio CD's to help them learn English faster. We just can't wait to read to them and share with them Jesus' love. And we can't wait to read our book "Orphanology" by Tony Merida, who is friends with Scott and Dana. Tony and his wife Kim adopted 4 children from the Ukraine and one boy from Ethiopia. We loved opening up the book and seeing their children's precious names written in the front cover...a reminder of the redemption of adoption.
These were our first baby gifts and they served as a great reminder to us that there is a precious child on the other side of our paperwork, there is someone waiting for us despite all the delays, and God's perfect plan will be revealed in His timing. I can't begin to describe how encouraging this gift was to us!

We pray you had a blessed Christmas with your family and friends. I know Adam and I enjoyed every moment with our family and are looking forward to the year ahead!