Working on our profile

We are nearing the end of our paperwork. At least I hope. :) Tomorrow we mail out a packet which will retain us with Kirsh & Kirsh. Hallelujah! The final thing we need to work on is our letter to the birth mom which will include our family profile. Our goal is to have it done by the end of next week. This profile will be looked at by birth moms and they will use our profile to select us to be parents to their child. We feel like it's our most important document that we have worked on so far. I started writing it awhile ago, bits and pieces here and there. But, I struggle. What do you say to a woman who is choosing to give you the greatest gift? A gift of sacrifice and love? Needless to say my heart is heavy. Last week I googled birthmom blogs. I was curious about them and was hoping that some kept a blog so I could get a small glimpse of their emotions. What I found were women who were raw; healing; and those who would forever process the decision to give part of themselves away. I found myself coming to terms with my own ignorance of the day our baby will be born and we are handed him/her. It will be our greatest joy to hold them, yet there will be a woman leaving the hospital empty handed and with an empty heart. I had never really thought about it until just a few weeks ago. We go home with a family yet she goes home with grief and pain. The Lord continues to lay on my heart how much she needs our prayers. Not just during her pregnancy but for a lifetime afterwards. Oh, how I pray that through this storm, she will find Jesus. The ultimate Healer. Comforter. Father. I have no idea where God is leading us, but I do know our birth mom will be just as much a gift as our baby. We will be gaining 2 people in our family not just 1. Will you join us in praying for her? We continue to meditate on our verse for 2012: "Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7 We pray you are having a wonderful summer so far. We are having a blast:) XOXO

Seasons

You are on my heart and I have been praying for you. Over the last few weeks, I have felt God impressing on my heart to leave a message here for those who are hurting, going through a waiting period, or are in need of healing. I finally have a free moment to sit down and write this.
Whether you are waiting for a job, a spouse, a test result from a doctor, or any other answer God is real and is heartbroken over your pain. Psalms states that he collects our tears in a bottle. (Psalms 56:8)  I have walked through the valley of marriage, the valley of vocation, and the valley of desiring a family. There have been many times that I have questioned if the Lord could really hear my cries out to Him or if He could really see me in the valley. At the end of the day, I had to make a choice. I had to choose to really believe in who He says He is or I had to choose to walk on my own.
Last summer, I was going through an emotional winter. And just like physical New England winters, I felt like my winter was never going to end. And through my hurt and pain, I had to make the choice of believing in God's promises or not. I chose to believe. That was a battle in and of itself. But God promises us that His Word is our weapon and it is active.(Hebrews 4:12) I found verses to pray through several times a day for several months. And ever so slowly, there was break through. The pain or the struggle didn't immediately go away, but God's peace started to flood through the cracks and it soon overshadowed my difficulties. These valleys made God's promises real to me. It is one thing to say I believed in Him. It's another to cling to it and place all my trust in Him because He was all I had at that time.
I believe He can do the same for you. I am overwhelmed by your suffering. Some I know of specifically, some I don't. But the burden I have for you is real and I am praying.

How can you get through your valley?

* Claim God's promises. If you haven't already, get out your Bible and find a verse that speaks to you about your situation. Memorize it. Pray it. It may take some time for the pain to subside and the peace to come in, but I promise you, it will. If you don't have a Bible, I would love to buy you one. Please let me know!

* Praise God. Yes, you read that right. We are to praise God. I personally don't think we have to praise Him FOR the valley while we are in it, but praise Him DESPITE it. By giving thanks to HIm, we are turning our eyes to Him only and taking our focus off of the trial. Philippians 4:6-7 states:" ⁶ Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (NLT) This will be hard. I know. I read in one of the Psalms about David offeirng a "sacrifice of praise". I now understand that phrase. Praise IS a sacrifice..but it is something God will honor.

* Journal. By recording what God is doing for you and through you during hard times will serve as a reminder of His faithfulness in the future. In the Old Testament, God's leaders would set up stone altars as a reminder of how God was faithful to them. These were markers of His answers. I have found this to be true of my prayer journals or notes I have written in my Bible. They have served as constant reminders of God's faithfulness in the past.

I continue to pray for you. I pray that God's faithfulness and peace will eventually be able to supercede your pain. He is the only constant in this world.

Two Paths

When Adam and I decided to change our focus to domestic adoption, I started to think about the new possibilities and the new people God would put on our path. The way God brings people into our lives is amazing, isn't it? We have seen Him work in pretty awesome ways in our own lives and we don't doubt that this will be any different.
A couple of nights after we made our decision, I started thinking about this certain young woman. This young woman who will be making the ultimate sacrifice of love which will allow us to become a mom and dad. My heart was heavy for her. Not knowing these thoughts, my sister-in-law brought her up in a recent conversation and said "Your paths are about to cross." Who knows where she is right now, but she is heading down a path that will bring her into crisis. Yet, the result of her crisis will become our greatest joy. As we sit here waiting, she is searching, wandering. How I wish I could tell her that we are on the other side waiting and there is hope. Kind of like how God is speaking to us right now. He knows the end of this story; we just need to trust. There is hope. Our stories are so similar. I'm starting a journal for her and am planning on giving it to her when we meet. My prayer is that through her own struggles and pain, the result will end in her finding contentment in Jesus, just as I have found.
Adam and I have shifted focus in not just praying for this baby but also for its' other mom. Will you pray for us as we continue on in deciding how we can reach out to her, whenever our paths are meant to cross?

"And we know that God causes everything

to work together for the good

of those who love God

 and are called according to His purpose for them.

Romans 8:28

Changes

It's been awhile since I had given an update. Over the last 2 weeks, things have changed quite a bit. 2 weeks ago, we received an e-mail from our agency in North Carolina stating that the Moldovan government is still dragging its' feet with changing and revising adoption laws. Currently there are 4 families in our agency who have been in limbo for a year and the social workers are working hard to get them moving. Unfortunately, they aren't even going to be looked at til May. Which means we still could not begin the paperwork we need to. Our program director has also said that it appears that the youngest children available will be 5 year olds and we had given a range of 2-4. She said we are looking at at least another 1 1/2 year wait. After much discussion and prayer, we feel God has closed this door for right now. This decision has been so hard to make. With it, has come alot of anger, sadness, and guilt. In our kitchen, I have a collage of pictures from our past trips and as I look at those pictures, I see Hope/Noah and I wonder if we are turning our back on a baby in Moldova. I know in reality that isn't true, but the feeling is still real. I am angry at Mother's Day and pregnancies and paperwork.
I share all of this to say, that despite all of that, God is faithful. I was writing that short statement out this morning and it reminded me greatly that YES, the Lord has been so faithful to us! I see His fingerprints over the last year in so many areas. I was tempted to sit and think of how much we wasted this last year and the Lord has reminded me this morning that this year was a gift, really. A year for growing our marriage, growing us as individuals and growing in our knowledge of who the Lord is to us. God's timing is never a waste. How thankful I am for the way He is active even in waiting periods. Adam and I trust Him; we believe in His promises to us; and we believe that His way is perfect.
Our plan is to move forward with a domestic adoption. We are praying for an infant and are so excited to see where God leads. My friend Noelle was saying how exciting it is to think that Hope/Noah are so close to us! Yes!:) Wherever this baby is, we love it so much already...we can't wait to see their cute face:)
The wait seems to still be long, between 1-2 years, but who knows, it could be shorter.

Our verse for 2012:

"Be still in the presence of the Lord

and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7

Please continue to pray for us. We covet and treasure your prayers! We love you.

Where we are at today

Monday night, Adam and I met with Carol, our social worker to just catch up on where we stand in the adoption process. I thought I would just give you all a quick update on what's been done and what we are currently working on:

We are working on acquiring the last few forms we need to submit to Carol so that she can write up our home study. Our goal is to get these things done this weekend. I'm laughing as I type this because I am thinking of the five million things that need to be done the week before Christmas. Carol hopes that she will be able to have it written by sometime in January.

Next step will be for the home study to be handed off to US-CIS which is a branch of Immigration to be reviewed. They will then release it to Carolina Adoption Services. Then the real fun begins...putting together all of our international paperwork.
Could you pray for one specific thing right now?
1. My medical report: THANKFULLY it is current enough for Carol to write it for our home study (I just found out today) However, because of the date it was done, we only have 6 months for it to be valid with US-CIS so the home study can be approved. This brings us to March 1, 2012. I am fervently working on getting another doctors appointment ASAP, but right now the earliest one I have isn't until April 26. Please pray that I am able to get another appointment and/or that we can get the last of this paperwork done quickly so we can submit it for approval.

Update on Moldova:
A representative from Carolina Adoption just returned from Moldova in which she helped 2 families finalize their adoptions. These families had been in limbo for quite some time and CAS was able to help them bring their kids home! Such awesome news. Currently, a meeting is still waiting to be scheduled with the head department that runs the adoptions in Moldova. Unfortunately a date hasn't been set yet. This meeting is supposed to help smooth out all the kinks and finalize their regulations surrounding adoption. Knowing Moldova as we do, it could be awhile. So we continue to wait...and pray. Carol asked us how long we wanted to wait and asked what our next plan would be if we decided against Moldova. We just looked at each other and were honest: we don't have another plan. We told her very clearly that we have faith that God has placed us on this path and has brought us to Moldova. Right now neither of us have felt that God has closed this door for us so we will continue to press on. I know it sounds crazy. Those close to Adam and I know how much we desire a family and would do anything to have it happen right now. Yet, we truly believe we are on the path God has laid out for us. And He is requiring us to trust completely in HIS timing not our own. The Bible is full of examples in which God asks His followers to follow in complete faith, to listen to only HIS instructions, even if it didn't quite make sense to others.

So that's where are right now...walking in faith, trusting in God's voice to guide us, and enjoying what He's teaching us along the way.

I was reading this verse this morning:
Psalm 138:8~ "The Lord will work out His plans for my life- for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me."
So comforting. Thanks for checking in :)

Stretchmarks of Faith

So many of you have been so sweet and asking if it is OK to ask us how our adoption is going. Of course it is!:) Unfortunately, we continue to have no new news. Carolina Adoption Services have been approved to be re-accredited in Moldova and they are waiting on some of the final steps from the Moldovan government. So, this is positive. When will we find out? Who knows! We just keep pressing on..we have to complete a bunch of pre-adoptive education online and we just have not had the time or energy to do it. If you could pray for us to get this completed, we would greatly appreciate it. Thank you!:)

Counting the blessings:
A close friend of mine e-mailed me about a month ago and said that she was praying for us. Her specific prayer was that I would find another mom who was trying to adopt from Moldova so we could help support each other. Sure enough, I got a message on Facebook a few days later from a friend who lives in Colorado. She had met a woman at her church that was trying to adopt from Moldova and wants us to stay in touch. God is good, isn't He?

Every so often, I wish we had something physical to remind us that a baby is on the way. An ultrasound. A growing stomach. A sure timeline of 9 months. Anything. But with those fleeting thoughts comes conviction. Sometimes a whisper. Sometimes a shout. Jesus reminding me "I AM enough". His fingerprints have been on this whole journey. I don't want to miss Him~His voice, His convictions, His encouragement. The Lord HAS to be my number one desire. HE has to be the source of my joy. Nothing else can bring full satisfaction. Friends can disappoint us. Jobs can leave us. Marriages can fail. Kids can make bad decisions. Jesus is the only constant. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His grace is sufficient in our weakness. Through pain, He brings peace that passes all understanding. His love is unfailing. He came to give us fullness of life. I was reading yesterday how the name that God calls himself  "I AM" is present tense. He loves you today, He is with you today, and He wants to be your number one ...forever.

My deepest desire is to be a mom and have blessed chaos in our small apartment. But if it never happens and the only thing I come out of this is with a deeper relationship with the Lord..not just knowing about Him, but knowing Him...I will have won. Actually, I already have won.

So, come and stretch with me:) I would love to hear what God is doing in your life. He loves you like crazy and so do I! Thank you for checking in on us:)

Psalm 91:2 "This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God and I trust Him."

So Let It Grow

There have been two verses that over the last few weeks that God has used to speak to me and I wanted to share them because there are several of you that I pray for who are in waiting period. Whether it is for a family, a spouse, a new career, or direction in when to move again, the waiting is hard...but...can also be a time of great joy.

I personally don't wait well and it's apparent that God knows that because here we are, once again, waiting. There have been several occasions throughout our 9 years of marriage where we have had to wait, and it has been hard. Really, really hard. But God is merciful, gracious, and compassionate and I am so thankful for those times in our past to reflect on as we wait on God's timing for a family.

The first verse that has been such an encouragement to me over the last few weeks in James 1:2-4:

 "When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."

We simply have a choice to wait or not. To wait for the Lord or take the easy way out of whatever trial we are going through. If we choose to wait, we are allowing God to do amazing things and are allowing Him to bring us to perfection....to bring us to a closer relationship with Him and to know Him in a deeper way than what we had before. Adam and I are choosing "to let it grow."

The second verse I wanted to share is found in Isaiah 45:3:

"And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness-secret riches.

I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord."

Sometimes waiting does feel  like a dark time, that there isn't really a light at the end of the tunnel. It can feel lonely as everyone else seems to go about their daily lives. But I love how God promises to send us reminders of Him in the dark times...reminders that He is still there, He is working, and He is moving...even when it doesn't always seem like it. For me, these "treasures" have come in many different ways. But over the last several days it has been through e-mails, phone calls, and texts from friends and family. And they often come at random times, but right when I needed to read it. A friend texted me early morning last week and my sister in law texted me at midnight..both including verses that talked about God's timing and His promises. And there have been many other occasions that this has happened and we are so grateful. They have reminded us that God is active and is speaking to us. Another great provision this week...we received a note from our landlords saying that they wanted to cut our rent almost in half for the month of July so we could save the rest for the adoption! They are so generous and needless to say we were quite surprised.

God has been so good to us..so we are embracing the waiting and are excited to see Him "make the impossible possible." (Mark 10:27

Thanks for checking in...please know how grateful we are for each of you:)